The upside of feeling down

Reframe those negative emotions

Most of us would agree that we’ve experienced a riot of emotions over the last year. With restrictions easing, you might find yourself flying high one minute, only to be riddled with anxiety over new COVID variants the next. This is all pretty normal, but it can often feel debilitating. ‘After a year of emotional turmoil, “selfvalidation,” (to recognise, respect, and accept one’s own thoughts and feelings), is important,’ believes Kate Morris-Bates, a clinical therapist, wellness expert and founder of Inside Out Wellness Ltd.

We’d all love to feel good 100% of the time, but in reality that’s impossible. What’s not so far-fetched, however, is reframing negative emotions – because let’s not forget that if we didn’t experience low times, we’d never fully be able to appreciate those that are golden.

THE UPSIDE TO YOUR DARKER SIDE

We all view life through our own personal lens and it’s up to us how we perceive our emotions. The Japanese say that we have three faces; the first we show to the world, the second we show to close friends and family, and the third face that we never show to anyone – they believe this is the truest reflection of who we are. Over time, accepting our feelings, while seeing how they can benefit us, can lead to improved wellbeing. So instead of the conventional way of looking at emotions – good or bad, positive or negative – take a more flexible approach.

‘Unfortunately, we often associate negative emotions with weakness but acceptance of how we feel is the true key to unlocking authentic happiness. From a young age, many of us were given this message when we were asked not to cry and not to be angry. By associating negative emotions with weakness, we disconnect from them and therefore do not seek to engage in a positive way with them,’ says Kate.

There’s lots of research supporting the upside of dark emotions – and some of them might surprise you. Here, we uncover how feeling bad can actually be good for us and share our top advice on how to be more open to our emotions.

SADNESS CAN IMPROVE YOUR MEMORY

Nobody wants to feel sad but what if we said that feeling glum could make you brainier? Results from one study carried out at the University of California, Berkeley, found that on rainy days where the study participants felt in a bad mood, they had a much better recollection of details of objects that they had seen in a shop compared with on bright, sunny days where their memory was less accurate.

‘Moods that are associated with negative emotions tend to be more attentive, thoughtful and analytical than their positive counterparts. Research has shown that we are less likely to “inadvertently corrupt our memories with misleading information” when we are in a less than good mood,’ adds Kate.

STRESS CAN SPUR YOU ON TO TAKE ACTION

Happiness makes us feel safe, so that we can coast along with life feeling worry-free. But, if handled correctly, stress can propel you forward with motivation and perseverance to deal with a challenge.

‘Cortisol is the hormone commonly used to measure stress. Typically, raised cortisol, or the symptoms of it, serve as a wake-up call for individuals to change habits which are not serving them and find ways of reducing their stress levels,’ says Kate.

The key is to harness cortisol-driven stress and anxiety and use it to your advantage. ‘Practising meditation and mindfulness is one way to do this, as it helps to induce a heightened state of awareness and focused attention.

Think of meditation as a form of personal mental hygiene. It’s a learned skill that must be practised regularly to exert effect,’ says Kate.

ANGER LEADS TO SELFIMPROVEMENT

Can it ever be good to be angry? Anger is an inherent part of our survival response known as the fight or flight mechanism and when channelled correctly, can be a force of positive change. ‘Feelings are not problems; they are normal responses to situations. The trick is to understand the response and the reason behind the emotion,’ says Kate.

Rather than resisting anger, take a step back and be open to the emotion, using it for insights into the triggers that are making you angry. You can then work on these triggers and improve your response, making sure it’s not simply hot-headed and irrational. One way of doing this is to keep a journal. Every time you feel a burst of rage bubbling to the surface, write down your feelings in whatever form comes to you – it might be single words, full sentences or even simple drawings or doodles that reflect how you feel on the inside. This allows you to be true to your feelings and to understand them in a new light.

Feelings are not problems; they are normal responses to situations