SUFFERED A SETBACK?

Reeling from an emotionally exhausting breakup with a friend, you feel a tug-of-war between your head and heart: While you know it was the right decision, you still feel like you failed and repeatedly tell yourself that you could have done more to salvage your relationship.

After a disappointment, remind yourself that there isn’t just one path to happiness.

“When you find yourself saying, ‘I feel hopeless,’ or ‘I’m a failure,’ broaden your perspective by pinpointing hope in small ways, whether it’s cuddling with your dog or gazing at the flowers in your garden,” urges Helmstetter. “Then tell yourself, ‘I have the opportunity to live the life I want.’” Once you focus on your own experience, take your talk ‘higher’ by envisioning others going through similar challenges and say to yourself, “I can overcome this just as they have.” Known as “elevated” self-talk, this upward spiral lets you see yourself as part of a larger “conversation,” in connection with others. Says Helmstetter, “This brings your small world of self-talk into the bigger universe, helping you feel gratitude for what you have and sharpening your resolve to live your best life on your own terms.”