GBU: every car rated!

Plus how to spec a sublime VW Up GTI

ABARTH

595 #####

> Pricey pocket rockets with divine details, dodgy dynamics and a choice of 1.4-litre turbocharged engines in various stages of steroidal over-compensation > VERDICT Like a small yappy dog: noisy, excitable and likely to give you a headache

124 SPIDER #### #

> Tuning division’s take on Fiat’s take on the Mazda MX-5, with tweaked brakes, engine, steering and suspension > VERDICT A delight to drive, but the rational decision is to go for a better-value Mazda

ALFA ROMEO

MITO #####

> Decent engines but generally rubbish to drive, Alfa’s soggy-handling, hard-riding premium mini is crucified by the real thing and Audi’s A1

> VERDICT At least it’s got its looks. No, wait. It’s an ugly Alfa. It’s got nothing

GIULIETTA #####

> Looked like a credible Golf rival for a while but now the game has moved on. Keen prices, but several rivals are roomier, classier and more fun to drive > VERDICT Miles better than a Mito. Miles better than a 4C, even. But, unfortunately, miles behind a Golf

4C 4C SPIDER #####

> Sexy carbon two-seater over-promises and under-delivers on a double-your-dong-length web-scam scale. Spider a step in right direction

> VERDICT Shoots for the moon, hits itself in the foot. Lotus Elise more fun, Porsche Cayman a better bet

GIULIA #### #

> Good grief – an Alfa Romeo we can finally recommend that you buy. Auto-only 3-series rival has sharp steering, sultry looks, great driving position. Bellissimo! > VERDICT Note to dealers: don’t cock it up

STELVIO #### #

> Either we’ve collectively entered another dimension or Alfa has just built two excellent cars in a row. Now we just need everyone to start buying them again > VERDICT Worth the risk at least once in your life

GIULIA QUADRIFOGLIO #####

> Like a regular Giulia doped up by Lance Armstrong, this 191mph, 503bhp rocket is a quadruple shot of espresso for Alfa’s long lamented soul. At last > VERDICT The closest you can currently get to a four-door Ferrari. Really.

That good

D3 B3 #### #

> 3-series derivatives with twin-turbo petrol and diesel stonk and smooth auto ’boxes mated to a quality chassis, but watch for some questionable OAP-spec interior finishes

> VERDICT Try an xDrive D3 Touring – it’s what the M3 wants to be when it grows up

D4 B4 #### #

> Same blend of fast and frugal as above but slotted into slinkier 4-series shell. ZF auto not as snappy as M4’s twin-clutch, but much smoother > VERDICT 53mpg and 62mph in 4.6sec? And you’re alright with this, BMW?

D5 B5 #### #

> Twin-turbo B5 petrol V8’s 590lb ft could de-forest the Amazon while planet-loving D5 doesn’t let meagre 155g/km prevent 174mph max > VERDICT You can’t have a real M5 Touring, but this comes close

B7 #####

> BMW doesn’t make an M7, but Alpina does. Twin-blown petrol V8 delivers ‘bahn-busting performance that’s best enjoyed in Germany

> VERDICT Niche Merc S63 AMG alternative hamstrung by the ugliness of the raw materials

XD3 #####

> X3 35d-based high-rise hot-rod delivers 350bhp, 516lb ft, and the horizon through your windscreen. Spoiled by a rock-hard ride

> VERDICT Another niche BMW that Munich leaves to Alpina. Porsche Macan is better

ARIEL

ATOM #### #

> Only the Pope’s lips get more up close and personal with the tarmac than an Atom driver, but there’s zero protection when the heavens open > VERDICT Spectacular toy. Great on track, barmy on road. Chassis doubles as a clothes airer, which is just as well…

NOMAD #####

> Not content with terrifying on tarmac, Ariel now o¦ers the o¦-road Nomad. Gains a roll-over structure but, like the Atom, still no doors

> VERDICT Don’t forget to put the hot water on – you’ll be needing a long, hot bath when you get home

ASTON MARTIN

VANTAGE #### #

> A truly convincing 911 rival that’s NEW impressively aggressive and thrillingly ENTRY quick. Interior lacks fizz > VERDICT A stunner to look at and rewarding to drive

VANTAGE V12 GT12 #####

> Cramming a huge V12 into the V8-sized engine bay was apparently the easy bit; it took years for Aston to add a manual gearbox. Worth the wait

> VERDICT Chassis finally has the stick shift it deserves. Buy it no other way

DB11 #### #

> Slick aero slinkiness, belting V12 turbocharged charmer and, crucially, Merc help with the wiring > VERDICT Finally the right blend of much needed new stu¦ and classic Aston charm results in a cut-above GT

VANQUISH S #### #

> Lipstick and sorted underpinnings come too near the end of the Vanquish. DB11 is fresher and cheaper. Oops > VERDICT Instant respect, even though you’ve bought the wrong Aston

RAPIDE #### #

> Take that, Panamera! Aston shows Porsche how to make a supercar/saloon cocktail. Forget limo pretensions, though: it’s a four-door 2+2

> VERDICT Pretty, but interior more dated than a New York socialite and as hard on your wallet

ALPINE

ALPINE A110 #####

> Desirable, cleverly packaged and dynamics to die for. A bit pricey and the interior lacks wow but the Cayman should be worried > VERDICT Reborn Alpine has smashed it out of the park

AUDI

A1 HATCH SPORTBACK #### #

> Posh Polo does it all, from 1.0 miser to S1 micro rocket. Not cheap, even before you’ve splurged on options; £30k is a mouse click away

> VERDICT Classy Mini rival that doesn’t turn into Quasimodo when you tick the 5dr option

A3 HATCH S’BACK SALOON #####

> King of quality in this sector, but adrenalin isn’t among the standard kit > VERDICT Brilliant hatch and not much financial gulf to a Golf. Try sporty S-line on supple SE chassis

A3 CABRIOLET #### #

> Premium sun-grabber without macho sportscar posturing. A bit tight in the back, but pretty tight in the bends too. Try a 1.8 TFSI Sport

> VERDICT Worth the £2k premium over Golf

RS3 #### #

> The superhatch/saloon for those lacking in imagination and/or driving talent, RS3 struts its stu¦ best in a straight line > VERDICT Only feel a little bit ashamed for wanting one