I only score in bed when he wins on pitch
No ifs or butts, I want a bigger bottom!
Dear Hannah, I’VE noticed in the past that you have a very nice bottom – a beauty, in fact.
It’s what I think they call ‘peachy’, curvy and pert; I imagine there can’t be that many men who wouldn’t want to get their hands on it, along with all your other stunning assets.
You’re a very lucky girl and good luck to you, I say, but I wish I had a bum like yours.
I’m a 25-year-old lass who works in a clothing shop and t hough I’ve got a fair-sized pair of boobs, my butt is as flat as a board.
I’ve tried everything to get it to be a bit more curvy. I’ve worked out at a gym for hours at a time, but if anything that seems to have made matters a bit worse – all toned muscle but no substance to hide a thong in.
I’ve also tried eating lots of carbs, but the flesh fills out on my tummy and boobs, not where I want it.
Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t had any complaints from my boyfriends and none have said they wish I had a bigger bum while they’re gripping it in the throes of sex.
In fact, my toning means I have quite a lot of muscle there and I can grip and squeeze my lovers in ways that seem to please them a lot, especially when we’re doing that really naughty act that all men seem to want to get their girlfriends to do, and I enjoy – it gives me massive orgasms!
But I still have self esteem issues about my bottom and want to do something about it.
I’ve been looking at the cost of having implants. What’s your view on the matter?
Dear Hannah, WHAT is it about men and football that means a good result on the pitch leads to a result in bed for their women?
My fella is a classic example or the type I’m talking about. Him and a crowd of others at his work play in a five-a-side league on Thursday nights.
He rushes home, changes into his kit, then flies off with barely a word to me.
I know by the time he arrives back whether his lot have won or lost; if he’s early, they’ve been beaten, and he’ll be surly and won’t want to talk – and I won’t be getting any, that’s for sure.
But if he rolls in about 10.30pm it means he’s been for an after-match beer to celebrate victory.
He’ll be in a good mood and his hands will be all over me, even if I’m trying to watch the telly.
But he’ll nibble my ears and slide his hands into my knickers and I can’t resist. Within minutes of him coming home, all musky smelling, we’ll be naked on the sofa and he’ll be humping me furiously, turning me all ends up, and burning up more energy than I’d have thought possible from a man who’s worked all day and run around a pitch for an hour.
I love it when he’s like that, and I’ll often treat him by using my mouth to finish him off.
But he doesn’t seem to understand that my needs are more regular than his, and I often want sex when his side are on a losing streak and he’s not up for it.
Time for a sit-down and a heartto-heart, do you think, or maybe should I just ditch the silly obsessive?
Dear Hannah, I’LL be perfectly blunt, I’ve got a willy that has a pronounced curve to it – a banana-cock, if you like. It doesn’t bother me too much, and luckily it bends upwards, which the girlfriend doesn’t seem to mind because she says it hits her G-spot every time.
All well and good, you might think, nothing to worry about.
Well, there is now. We’ve been invited to a swingers party and I’m worried I’ll stand out like a...let’s face it, a bloke with a bent one.
The girlfriend’s all keen for us to go – she’s the one who arranged it, actually – and says I’m silly to worry.
But I’m thinking I might just give it a miss and save myself some trauma. Trouble is, if the girlfriend goes on her own I’ll be jealous. Toughie, eh?
THANKS for the praise, but YOU seem perfect.
IT sounds just far out, man!
TELL him he’ll lose out when he wins.
JUST go, the women will love it!