SORRY – THIS IS NOT REAL WORK

TV here I come! Stick to what you’re good at!

Midweek Sport - - THURSDAY MARCH 8 -

I’M con­sid­er­ing go­ing blonde. I’ve al­ways been a brunette but I fancy a bit of a change. What do you think? To dye or not? Do blon­des have more fun? Tweet me @lin­sey_­dawn. I CAN’T wait un­til the Shafta Adult awards on March 15 and I’ve been asked to present one. I’m also look­ing for­ward to meet­ing my fel­low colum­nist Frankie Co­cozza there. Bet you I can drink him un­der the ta­ble! WHY is ev­ery­one bleat­ing on about how won­der­ful Amanda Holden is for go­ing back to ‘work’ on

Am I miss­ing some­thing? She sits on a chair and lis­tens to peo­ple singing. She’s not go­ing down a mine for 12 hours, work­ing in a sweat­shop in In­dia or find­ing a cure for can­cer.

I nearly spat out my poached egg on toast on Sun­day morn­ing when I read Si­mon Cow­ell’s in­ter­view about how ‘in­cred­i­ble’ she was.

Fair enough, I ac­cept she was very poorly af­ter giv­ing birth but this is some­thing that hap­pens to a lot of women.

Mak­ing Amanda into some kind of saint for go­ing back to her cushy job af­ter two weeks is just ridicu­lous.

She goes to work on a tal­ent show where she is treated like royalty. And as for Si­mon go­ing on about all he’s do­ing for Bri­tain – what a load of crap!

He f***ed off to Amer­ica and ru­ined X Fac­tor. He’s too busy try­ing to carve a ca­reer for him­self over there. I don’t think he gives a toss about Bri­tain. I’VE been read­ing my ri­val Jor­dan’s col­umn with in­ter­est since she’s joined the Sun on Sun­day.

I think it’s a right load of old tripe. I mean it’s so bor­ing, not the kind of stuff you’d ex­pect her to write!

At least when you read my col­umn you know that I’m on your wave­length.

I think The Sun have just taken her on so all her fans will buy the pa­per.

It was also in­ter­est­ing to read that she’s dropped Amy Willer­ton, the girl who she found on her search for a model, like a hot potato.

That show was the worst thing she ever did – as soon as she stood next to fresh-faced Amy peo­ple saw Jor­dan is – whis­per it – get­ting on a bit. I WAS at the gym to­day and overheard two ladies who lunch bitch­ing about me in the bogs.

The stuck up cows called me a ‘low life’ for be­ing in the glam­our in­dus­try.

I was hav­ing a wee at the time and they didn’t know I was in there, and to be hon­est I didn’t have that much time on my hands and fig­ured I’d be bet­ter tak­ing my anger at them out on the tread­mill than by caus­ing a scene.

But it re­ally p***ed me off.

Some women make me sick. They swan round spend­ing their fella’s money and most of them have never done a day’s work in their life.

I have a life that’s just as flash as theirs but the dif­fer­ence is I pay for it my­self and I’m proud to say that.

And I bet their fel­las have much more fun knock­ing one out over me on Red Light Cen­tral than they do with their bor­ing, up­tight wives. I WENT to see a psy­chic the other day and she told me I’m go­ing to be of­fered a bril­liant TV job in the sum­mer.

I reckon it might be I’m not sure if I fancy it though, although if I was hun­gry, I would quite hap­pily eat a kan­ga­roo cock.

She said it would be an of­fer I couldn’t refuse so I will have to see what comes up. She also said I’d have a lit­tle girl and she’d be just like me!

Imag­ine, a new Lin­sey Down Mcken­zie in 18 year’s time. She’d be able to take over my ti­tle just as I’m ready to re­tire.

The psy­chic said she’d be just as wild and out­ra­geous as me too. I’m not sure the world is ready for that just yet! I know I’m not! THE hor­ri­ble case of Kristy Bamu, the 15-year-old who was tor­tured and killed by his own SIS­TER Ma­gali and her boyfriend Eric Bakubi for be­ing a ‘witch’ has bro­ken my heart.

It’s so aw­ful, think­ing about what the poor lad went through at the hands of these beasts.

How could she do that to her own flesh and blood? Her boyfriend claimed he was brain dam­aged and that’s why he did what he did.

But no mat­ter how dom­i­neer­ing he was, I just can’t get my head round how she could bat­ter her own brother with bars, tiles, a ham­mer and a chisel and let him die.

She got jailed for 25 years and he was sent down for 30. These sick peo­ple should never be al­lowed out.

I se­ri­ously think they should suf­fer like that poor lad and I hope they meet their matches in jail. They should rot in hell.

Harsh, I know. I ad­mire Katie in many ways. She’s a great busi­ness­woman and has never leeched off a man and she made go­ing into the glam­our in­dus­try ac­cept­able.

But I think she ru­ined her­self when she turned her back on glam­our. She loved get­ting her tits out and be­ing out­ra­geous.

Main­stream

I mean, it’s loads bet­ter than writ­ing chil­dren’s books.

I’ve been of­fered loads of main­stream work over the years but I stick to what I know.

I love be­ing a glam­our girl and I’ll carry on do­ing it un­til you lot all get sick of me!

FRESH: Jor­dan do­ing what she does best

and (be­low)

Amy

ROYALTY: Amanda

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