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ONE STEP CLOSER TO HUMAN CLONES
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Congratulations, Dave. It’s a real whopper of a U-turn
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‘Prostitutes entertained City bosses’ at debauched Dorchester do
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£1 MILLION
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End of the Yellow Brick Road
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Scaling back, check-up at dentist to be every 2 years
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Nun tells survivors of Smyllum abuse: We’re so very sorry
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Teenager stabbed at school in ‘serious condition’
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PM tells investors: Punish net giants who won’t clean up act
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Is this the week Boris launched his bid for the leadership?
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We COULD be a vassal state, warns Mogg
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U-turn plea over SNP’s purge of the Union Flag
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A perfect symbol of Britishness and unity of nations
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...but did Salmond break royal rules?
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HANDS ON BOTTOMS
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Waitress: I was shocked when the call girls arrived
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‘Wear a skimpy dress and remain discreet’
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Water fountain is back!
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Our ‘recycled plastic’ dumped in landfill all over the world
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Lily Allen, the battle of Rorke’s Drift II ... and abject surrender
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Addicts to get free heroin on NHS at city centre clinic
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Seventh complaint against police chief
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Probe plea over Matheson action
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I am not afraid...
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Our military chiefs aren’t crying wolf. Putin’s threat and the parallels with 1914 are all too real
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Cause for optimism on the road to Brexit
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RUFF JUSTICE!
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A Highland welcome awaits, but just don’t all arrive together...
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Hardcastle Ephraim
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Unexpected robot in the bagging area!
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Exports slide ... but trade with UK still outstrips EU
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Top stake on ‘crack cocaine bets’ will be cut, says PM
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Deepcut ‘suicide soldier shackled and paraded’
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Starring role for Gillan at festival
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Flooding brings travel misery for thousands
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Smallest council faces huge cuts to avert meltdown
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Theresa can ‘hardly get a word in edgeways whenever she is on the phone to Trump’
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Closed by a hygiene scandal, meat firm that supplies Jamie
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Facing a jail term... Camilla’s cousin, the serial benefits cheat
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Minister slaps immediate ban on ‘cruel’ electric-shock dog collars
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Oxfam facing backlash over anti-capitalist tweet – as boss is paid £127k
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Breast cancer patients told: only 2 glasses of wine a week
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New mothers under pressure to feel ‘super happy’ all the time, says pregnant Kate
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How f lu can dramatically raise risk of heart attack
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A VERY detached home for £¼m
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Did Escape from Alcatraz convicts make it out alive?
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Smuggling stinky truffles, teaching toads to sing — and a gold mine in my garden!
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Reptile lover is choked to death ...by his python
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Cost of used petrol cars rise 10% as diesels dive
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Jailed for 175 years, paedophile doctor who preyed on Olympic gymnasts
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Help me find my missing trophies so I can clear my debts, says Becker
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I had almost nothing to do with trams fiasco... claims transport boss
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ON THIS DAY
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Millionaire strangled his daughter, 7, with dressing gown cord
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Smear tests are uncomfortable but vital says PM
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Humphrys to take THIRD pay cut in BBC equality row
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It’s every parent’s DUTY to spare our children the most painful rite of passage of all
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Blind date
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DAILY MAIL CROSSWORD
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TERMS & CONDITIONS
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OSCAR CAINER
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SPARE ME THIS NARCISSISM!
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MATCH BROW COLOUR TO YOUR HAIR
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USE DYE TO HIDE THIN PATCHES
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DON’T BE TOO BIG AND BOLD
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Why do TV dramas have to scare the living daylights out of mothers-to-be?
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The wife who diagnosed her husband’s Parkinson’s by smell
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Can an open marriage ever work?
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Why women feel SEXIER if they wear SOCKS in bed!
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How to cheat your way to a perkier posterior after 50
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Dear BBC, Miriam’s mad auntie act is no way to tackle a racist
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I really needed one for the trunk road
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Today’s poem
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SNP obsession with attacking Union is a red flag for voters
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Do we need a government minister for loneliness?
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Straight to the POINT
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A giant sneeze for mankind...
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It’s Elysia who makes those effects special
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I liked the Thai meals so much I bought an outlet
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Have you got what it takes to be an executive assistant?
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Revealed: The £225m attack on Carillion pensions
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The dastardly Mr Deedes IN DAVOS
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THE DAILY BRIEFING
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Britain’s jobs boom powers pound to $1.42
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Sterling’s leap forward
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Dark cloud over tech star as Sage is hit for £574m
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Prepare for Trump’s trade war
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Garcia casts doubt over return of the Tiger
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Eddie taking aim at ‘darling’ Scots
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COME DINE WITH ME...
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Cilic will feel like he’s drunk 8 pints!
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Deflection tactics
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NEVILLE GETS FA SEXISM WARNING ON FIRST DAY
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THE 100 100 CLUB
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Call to order is answered
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CALAMITOUS COUNTY ARE ON
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Docherty in £680k Ibrox move
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IN LIKE McGINN
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THE SLIDE AS STEELMEN SHINE
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MURTY HAS MEASURE OF DONS ONCE MORE
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SPFL AND BOOKIES’ GAMBLING VOW AFTER £5M DEAL
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WORSE THAN STICK FOR McINNES
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REGAN PUTS ON HIS BRAVE FACE
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Scots package was not used for a pay rise
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I’M TO BLAME