The posh waitresses
Tilly and Sophie have hit on a brilliant seam: that of doing all the work for a party while the hostess slaves over the Ottolenghi Simple cookbook (known to those who have done it as Ottolenghi Complicated). Tilly and Sophie, friends since Heathfield, have done a two-week cookery course so they know one end of a lentil from the other, and they financed their gap yah working for At Your Service so they’ve also sussed which side of the guest to spill soup down.
Both are now at Demandyenot University – somewhere on a roundabout near Keele, founded by A Blair, vicechancellor – studying trade union history, finger painting and partying, according to what their parents boast of to other parents whose progeny are prodigies at Oxbridge. “Rather like Eton, these days. Don’t you worry about it being a stigma?”
But Tilly and Sophie are savvy. They should have gone to business school or Dragons’ Den (but def not Pitch@ Palace) because they’ve watched their mums struggling with the hostesswith-the-mostest thing and worked out that this is a fissure in the hospitality universe. What is needed is Naice Gels Who Get It, are nice to the dog, and bring their own marigolds. And take the coats and won’t drop a tray of Aldi champagne (poured out so label not seen) and say, kindly: “The hot sausages will be round in a moment.”
Tilly and Sophie are there to please, they can deal with an M&S mini croque monsieur, ditto fake caviar on blinis with a smack of sour cream, and smoked salmon on rye, which they revive with a squeeze of lemon and a frond of dill.
Tilly is very particular about rinsing the plates before putting them in the washing machine – Bosch quick wash – because everything has to be back in its place before they leave. Sophie has had a go at the leftover champagne so is in a bit of a sod-it mood. But they pull together with a wash-up, clean and tidy, because that is what their mothers have always done in Chipping Magna.
They won’t drop the Aldi champagne (poured out so label not seen)
Victoria Mather
There’ll Always Be An England: Social Stereotypes from The Daily Telegraph by Victoria Mather and Sue Macartney-Snape (Constable, £12.99). Follow on Facebook/Instagram: @social_stereotypes